Can't explain it.....

I am happy - I am not happy
I am happy for you - I am jealous of you
I am happy we are health (well for the most part minus Chris' back) - I am sad you struggle
I am happy my husband loves me so much - I hope all husbands love that much
I am happy my husband has a job - I am sad I never see him
I am happy I have a job - Sometimes I hate this job
I miss you so much - I don't want to miss you
I wonder, I pray, I think, I pray, I cry and I pray some more.

I have so many things I am happy for but sometimes feel empty. I sometimes feel a lone and yet I know I have so many people that love me.

I really can't explain it. I know there are so many other things in this world far worse than how I feel or what is going on in my life.

I want to blog but I don't want to. I don't want to seem selfish and emotional. I don't want everyone to think I am letting the "world" know what is going on.

I am happy and have GREAT things in my life. There is just this empty part that comes up every now and then.