My Fear

Ever since I was little I had this fear. Fear of being alone which is a few different combinations. Being home at night without someone or traveling alone.

This week I realized something as I took a last minute trip to Arizona for work. For the last six years my traveling has increased each year. From 1 trip a year to 2-3 trips a year. Now this coming year I will be traveling quite a bit for multiple shows. What I have realized is I no longer hold that fear.

I got over long ago traveling on a plane by myself. It is like getting in the car and driving to work. It is no big deal. The other things though have been a challenge. I don’t like finding my way around a new city and not knowing where I am going. I have a great sense of direction but my anxiety side kicks in when I have to catch a cab to my hotel from the airport that is about 12-15 miles. I get a little nervous each time thinking, “what if?” Chris would tell me I watch too much TV but it really isn’t that. I have never really had to do many things on my own because mainly I don’t like to but I have learned to do it.

I did think last night and this morning coming to a conclusion. If I got nothing else out of this job I have learned to become independent. I really don’t need to worry. I can catch the cab for 20 minute ride, I can go to dinner by myself, I can take a flight from Portland to any where not knowing what I am going to do when I get there and be ok with it.

Now there is one thing I am not ok with and not sure I will do again. I did when I was in LA in June take a train from LA to San Diego to hang out with Bryan and family for the weekend. I don’t care how much I have learned from traveling I will NEVER do that trip again. I have always heard good things about train rides from Portland to Seattle but this was nothing like that. It was a bunch of “thugs” commuting from city to city. It was like a long MAX ride and if you know me you know I HATE the MAX.

I am actually pretty proud of myself. It may seem a little silly to a lot of people but I don’t have that fear. Now maybe if I was traveling to the middle of nowhere and some guy with oh a saw was my cab driver I might not get in. I think this happened a while ago but I am just finally realizing it doesn’t bother me any more. Here’s to 4 trips to AZ this year, 4 trips to Vegas and maybe a trip to New York.

Being home alone at night, well I don’t know if that will ever happen.