February started off a little crazy to say the least. To put it nicely I don't have the best relationship with my biological Dad. Most people honestly think when I refer to my Dad I am talking about Jack. Which usually I am. This time I am talking about my Dad, Mike. I hadn't seen him in over a year on Christmas Eve. We tried getting together with him but every time we set a date he wasn't feeling so good.
The morning of February 9th I got a call on my work phone from my Dad's boss. He had taken him to the ER because he was having stomach pain and couldn't eat. After talking to Thomas we decided to head up to the hospital. Several tests, waiting, waiting and more waiting they discovered he had a blockage in his colon. Without saying it was cancer they pretty much told us he had colon cancer. By that afternoon he had his first surgery to give him an NG tube to drain his stomach. 2 surgery's, 1 colostomy, lots of yelling, some crying and 12 days in the hospital he was finally able to go home.
Now after not seeing him for over a year this was a lot to take in. What do we do now? Right before he left the hospital we found out that he had Stage 2 colon cancer and would probably only be going through chemo for about 6 months. Still it was freaky for him since 1, he has no health insurance and 2, he didn't know what to expect. For me I am was a bit overwhelmed at what to do and what was going on.
Chemo started on March 28th a little over 6 weeks after his first surgery. It is going to be a long 6 months but as I keep telling him we will get through it and everything will be over by November.
I am more emotional of all the unknown and how I went from not having this relationship with my Dad, 1 night not know if he was going to make, to spending 2-3 days a week helping him. It was kind of overwhelming. Thursday when I talked to Thomas I told him I needed a break for a few days. As of today I haven't talked to him since Friday. I guess I should call and check in. :)
I have had a fun girls weekend at the beginning of February that came just at the right time. It was great to get away and have a distraction. I would post a few pictures but I don't have any. ;-)
Another major event happened at the beginning of March that I just can't find the words to explain the feeling. Am I ok? Yeah, I'm ok. Do I feel like I have closer? Little bit. Honestly the feeling is one that can't be explained. It's a feeling of failure and sadness that can't be described. Knowing though you did everything, but feeling like you should have done more. Everything you did still wasn't enough. Knowing it was what you wanted. Things are ok. They will be and are amazing. It is just different.
Now I am looking forward to the next 75% of 2012.
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